INSIDE MY CRANIUM: The gain from pain

Heartbreak, hardships, misery, suffering, every single one of us have been through a form of such pain. None of us voluntarily chose it, but it happened and of course, every single person who’s been through this, will never voluntarily choose to go through it again either. But something will happen and we will go through it again, because this is life. It’s not a straight road, it’s a path filled with twists and turns and hidden thorns and there is nothing we can do about the adversities that will come in our way in one form or the other. 

We always view pain as a bad thing, as something negative, because it hurts, it breaks us and who would view such a thing in the positive light. But here is the thing, this pain, this suffering, this heartbreak, all of this misery which we view in the negative light and some of us have been through so much trauma that even the memory of it breaks you all over again, all of this has shaped you to become the person you are today. It has moulded you into someone better, someone more evolved, someone different. Face it, you are ten times stronger, wiser, more mature and so much more than what you were before this incident occurred and broke you. 

Now I am not saying that pain is necessarily good. Suffering never is good. But what I am saying is that let’s not view all of this only and only in the negative light. Let’s try to look at what we gained without simply focusing only on the losses, because no matter how big or small of a loss it was, no matter how much you thought you’re broken and you’d never find yourself, there definitely is something you have gained, though you might not have realized it. 

I keep talking in ambiguous terms and you might not understand what exactly I’m trying to get at. So here is an example. For instance, let’s have a brief review on my life. The past five years have been a rollercoaster of emotions and pretty much most of the facts and stories about all of that has been converted into rantings by yours truly and is either on this blog or my old blog. The point is that, yes it sucks to have gone through all of that because I got a “buy one get one free” package of depression and anxiety and I never wanted that, yes I would never ever want to go through any of that ever again, yes if I could change things I would go back in time and change it, but  the thing is I cannot change anything, so all I can do is shed some rays of sunshine over all of this bleakness and find something I gained from it, which is my writing. 

I poured in all my agony into these various blogs and yes, they never got anywhere, but the point I’m trying to make is that I never ever would have realized that I am capable of writing if it hadn’t been for all that negativity in my life. Even on this blog, there is more about sadness than happiness and for some reason, the sadness fuels me and helps me to write better than the happiness. Now of course I am not saying that I prefer sadness over happiness, I am not insane. But what I am saying is that one of the major things I gained from all of this pain is my writing and I treasure it so very much. 

I remember the first time I ever wrote something decent was when I was sad and that was when I was around 16. The next time I wrote something, it was to comfort a friend because I didn’t know the right words to say to her face, so I poured out all my thoughts into a poem. It started when I was 16 and with every year the frequency with which I wrote kept on increasing in direct proportion to the misery that kept invading my life. I have observed my writing patterns and I am at the peak of writing when I am extremely forlorn.

Does that mean I’m saying that I would prefer to remain in anguish because it helps me write? No, of course not. But what I am saying is that I’ve learned to find a gain from all of this pain. I’ve turned most of my grief into words, which not only have comforted me but also been constant reminders which have prevented me from repeating the mistakes I have committed in the past. My writing has been a source of comfort for me when humans have failed to be so.

Simply put, the point I’m trying to highlight with all these paragraphs is that if you look in the right places, you too will apprehend the fact that you’ve definitely gained something from all the trials and tribulations you’ve been through in life. Whether it’s better emotional maturity and understanding or a sense of independence or more resilience or gaining a new friend or working harder on your fitness goals or your ambitions, etc, whatever it is, the adversities you’ve been through have indeed served a purpose. So whatever happens in your life, be grateful, whether it’s positive or negative, because it’s happening for a reason, and you will discover it’s purpose in the long run. Just keep pushing yourself and keep believing that all this pain will turn into some form of gain in the future. 

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