Assalamu-Alaykum! [May Peace be unto you!]
Few days ago, my bestie and I were having a chat about certain issues in life and this is something I told her and I’m copy pasting it word to word:
“In the past 5 years, I’ve gone through roughly 20 broken friendships. I sat and counted all the names. Some I don’t talk to anymore. Some it’s become a weird formal relationship for the sake of it. Some have blocked me off. Some I have blocked off. You get the point. 20. That’s a lot of people and a lot of brokenness. And it made sense why I was so sad and so wrapped up in blankets of misery.
In retrospect, I am glad that whatever happened happened. I learnt from every single person, I broke down, I grew, I went through major depression, and much more. But Alhamdulillah because it was all that heart break and brokenness and everything else that truly truly made me realize that people literally mean nothing in our lives. It made me realize that there is only One I have to give importance to and that is my Rabb and literally for the past five years, He is the one who solely got me out of fixes, saved from a lot of things, helped me pass my exams and much more. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. All those so called friendships for which I shed so many tears for did nothing for me. Literally nothing.
And thinking about all that made me realize that I don’t need anymore friends because Alhamdulillah I have what I need in my life. I have Allah. I have my family. I have you. And literally that is all I need to survive. I don’t require anything more to survive because Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah I am so very blessed. And I totally failed to see this or recognize this in the past few years, especially last year which was one of the worst ever years.”
That text alone pretty much sums up what I want to discuss. But I’ll explain anyway.
To begin with, Alhamdulillah, I have been a practicing Muslim for a few years now. I pray five times a day, Alhamdulillah or at least try my best to do so during the days when I have uni and I’m at the hospitals and I am unable to do so. But you get the point, I am a basic Muslim, or at least I try my best to be one. There have been moments when I have felt my link with my Creator was stronger than ever and sometimes when I wandered so far away from the path that the link was so very weak.
I would say that the latter was very much true during the whole of last year. I used to pray, but it had become a mechanical act, there was no peace or spirituality behind it. It was for the sake of it, whilst my mind was always wandering elsewhere. I was majorly focused on all the negatives in my life and had completely forgotten about the abundance of blessings I had in my life. I kept finding flaws in my life with every new sunrise. I kept finding reasons to be sad, miserable, and angry. I forgot my ultimate purpose of my existence and got overly attached to the materialistic life. Simply put, I went astray for a while.
But Alhamdullilah, by His Mercy, this year for some reason, I started to explore a bit more about my religion, about my faith and that truly made me realize what was happening. I started looking at all the positives in my life and those negative feelings slowly began to fade away. I began to try my best to focus more on my prayers, focus more on the meaning of the words I uttered during every prayer, reflect more about the consequences of my actions and of every single word I uttered and in all honesty, I began to see things change almost instantly. I felt a huge burden lift off my heart, Alhamdulillah.
Now I am not saying that I magically repaired my link with my Rabb overnight. No, I still do err in many ways because I am still learning. I still do have breakdowns and I still do forget to look at the bright side on more than a few occasions. In those moments I have to consciously remind myself to pause for a moment and ponder as to why I am feeling down or why something is going wrong and most of the times I do tend to find a solution or at least momentarily feel better.
My faith is a work in progress. I know that my link with my Rabb has a long way to go but my ultimate goal in life is to InShaAllah strengthen that link to the best of my abilities and that is something I have to constantly remind myself. I am human and almost on a daily basis I tend to fall prey to Shaitaan’s trap and start yearning for either materialistic possessions or seek for friendships, which subconsciously I know is not ideal for me. And when I forget this, I end up feeling sad and miserable, which is something I was literally feeling a few hours ago.
Okay, I know that I haven’t exactly explained any of this properly, but InShaAllah, there will be a few parts to this because I want to talk about this in a bit more detailed manner and currently I am feeling really unwell and my brain is feeling very much woozy, so I doubt that I actually typed it all out in a way that makes sense.