For almost six years, I have been blogging, on a variety of blogs, most of which I now have deleted. But all this time, I have been blogging anonymously. I have always used a different name and never my own name. Yes, on this blog, I end certain posts with my actual name but let’s be honest, almost no one reads these posts and my name is right at the end, so the chances of anyone actually making it to the end and seeing my name are pretty much nonexistent.
So you might be wondering what is the deal with this whole name thing. There isn’t a major story to it or anything. It’s just that all these years with this anonymous blogging where I would genuinely pour my heart out and speak of things that have bothered me or speak of things that are important to me, I have done so whilst being anonymous because of some kind or form of fear. Fear of being ridiculed, fear of being yelled at, fear of this, fear of that, etc, if in case the blog was ever found by family/friends. I would write beautifully sometimes and yet I would never take credit for it due to this paranoia at the back of my mind.
The thing is people know about this particular blog because first there was an Instagram account about book reviews, after which this blog popped up and when I created it, I posted about it on my Instagram account which had a few friends and people. Nobody actually paid attention to this blog and that is when I realized that no one genuinely cares about what I do. That was the point when I started to add my name to the end of my posts and I stopped being conscious of who read what I wrote and whether or not I was being judged for it.
But today, I finally changed the name of this blog to my name and that feels like a huge deal to me because this means that I am finally embracing myself for who I am. There is no more hiding behind anonymous usernames whilst writing about what is truly in my heart. There is no more fear of being ridiculed for something I have written because this is who I am, what I write is what I think and if I am going to be afraid of being made fun of for the way I think, that is just not right because I am not causing anyone any harm by simply expressing my “jumbled up, hazy, trying to figure my life out” sort of thoughts.
So yeah, to summarize, after six years of anonymous blogging, I am finally blogging with my real name, blogging as myself, blogging what I truly feel and whether or not this blog is visited by people or whatever happens to blogs in general, none of that matters because I am doing this for myself, I am doing this because it makes me happy and I believe that is all that matters.