You don’t know

You don’t know what it feels like

You don’t know what it feels like

Because 

You don’t fluctuate between extremes

Because 

You don’t spend the morning

Laughing and feeling happy

And then a few hours later

Find yourself curled up on bed

Crying your eyes out

You don’t know what it feels like

Because 

You don’t question your sanity

Because 

You don’t spend time

Googling the effects of overdosing

You don’t know what it feels like

Because 

You don’t suddenly burst into tears

For no reason whatsoever 

Because 

You don’t spend time 

Living in a bubble of eternal loneliness 

Where nobody can reach you

Regardless of who it is

You don’t know what it feels like

Because 

You don’t have fake friends 

Who treat you like a doormat 

Who blackmail you with your depression 

Who ditch you for your honesty 

Who treat you as a seasonal friend

Who talk to you only when needed

Who leave you at the first sign of trouble

Who find you pathetic for your emotions

Who hate you for who you are 

You don’t know what it feels like

You just don’t 

Because 

These are just a few reasons

Because 

There are reasons

That cannot even be put into mere words

There are reasons

That are just plain feelings

There are reasons

That make me hate myself

There are reasons

That I find to be pathetic 

There are reasons

That make me miserable beyond understanding 

There are reasons

Lots and lots of reasons

You don’t know what it feels like

To live with such thoughts

In my head

Dark thoughts 

Ugly thoughts 

Lonely thoughts

Jealous thoughts

Selfish thoughts

Selfless thoughts

Sad thoughts

Thoughts thoughts and more thoughts

You don’t know what it feels like

You just don’t 

You never did

And you never will

Ever know 

What it feels like

To be me

~ Azraa♥

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s