INSIDE MY CRANIUM: Butter on Toast

Butter on toast is my go to stress food. Okay, maybe I should elaborate a bit on this.

This whole butter on toast obsession started exactly a year ago. That was when my emotions started getting really out of control & my anxiety worsened & it just resulted in me being stressed almost all the time. Which in turn lead to the fact that I stopped cooking proper meals for myself. Initially, I was surviving on cereal & then I ran out of it. That’s when the butter on toast started. In the beginning, it was just a meal, just something to fill me up as I had completely given up on cooking & anything else I ate just didn’t agree with me. At that point, certain people even started joking about me having a gluten allergy. Except if I did, I’m pretty confident that I couldn’t have survived on bread alone.

Fast forward to four months later, when my eating habits hadn’t exactly improved much, but I wasn’t surviving solely on toast. I had actually reached a point where I wasn’t eating toast. But then the exam season started and I instantly went back to being stressed and regardless of how much I ate, I was still hungry. I was beginning to run out of whatever I had cooked and that was when I strangely began to have cravings for toast.

Fast forward again to the next semester where I was beginning to prepare meals & eat salads like once in a week and all that. I was totally done with bread and didn’t even buy a single loaf of bread for weeks. But then came a moment which stressed me out a lot & before I knew it my body was craving for toast again. That’s when it hit me.

I was literally stress-binge-eating, except I could only eat one particular meal and that was butter on toast. Whenever I’m stressed, it really doesn’t matter what have I eaten or how much have I eaten, I’m in a constant state of hunger, which genuinely can be quelled only after I allow myself to eat this specific meal, which usually is the standard two slices of toast, which sometimes does go up to three.

I know, I sound like a crazy person considering all my weird habits. It happened again today & I was like maybe I should just write about it. I am very much aware of how unhealthy this is, but I genuinely have no clue whatsoever as to how to get past this.

This whole bread eating obsession affects my weight, affects my appearance & has a great impact on my pretty much nonexistent levels of confidence, and all of this together in turn stresses me out further, which basically fuels my cravings for toast & this is just one big, never ending vicious cycle. Do I want to end this? Yes, of course, I would love to. Do I know how to do so? Nope, completely clueless. Would I appreciate words of wisdom and tips & any kind of advice on how to cope with this? Definitely.

A huge thank you to anyone who read this i truly hope you have a magnificent day!

~Azraa. ♥

One thought on “INSIDE MY CRANIUM: Butter on Toast

  1. “…survived on bread alone.” That line reminded me of a familiar verse, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Out of the blue yes, but that hit me, and I thought I’ll share it here. I hope you do find a way… 🙂 God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

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